If but every thought be left unspoken

Like most girls, I have struggled with my self-image my entire life. When I was younger I hated the way I looked because everyone else was prettier, skinnier, had nicer…everything. Sure some people told me I was pretty, but I felt like people were obliged to say that because I certainly didn’t see it. From time to time I’d think, “Today. Today I don’t look terrible.” From time to time I would genuinely feel pretty.

I had gotten better about it as I’d gotten older because I have learned to love myself a bit more. Then I got sick. Cancer took its toll in so many ways. I didn’t feel pretty anymore because it took my hair and gave me scars that drew attention to the fact I was broken. I was called “sir” because I had short hair. Then, I can’t really tell you what happened. One day I stopped caring. I started to love my short hair and I felt beautiful because I had been through something that had made me stronger and I loved that I could look in the mirror and smile again. The treatments ended and my hair did eventually grow back. 

I won’t tell you that I have completely resolved my self-image issues. I’m not sure there is anybody who really has, but some days we can say, “Today. Today I look lovely.” Sure it’s shallow, but it does feel nice to feel pretty from time to time. I don’t post pictures of myself often. I think that people will be…disappointed somehow. It’s silly of me I realize, but buried within this so called grown woman remains the girl who wanted to have blue eyes and straight hair and for a boy to look at her and say, “Wow. You’re beautiful, did you know that?” I do, by the way, know I’m beautiful. It has taken me a long time and I have to remind myself from time to time. So I suppose that’s why I am making this. This is me being brave and pushing the wolves who whisper doubts at bay. These are the pictures where I felt beautiful and that when I looked at them I saw what other people seemed to. So this is me, being brave enough to show you what I’m often to scared to see for myself.

  1. cuddlyhxran reblogged this from ifbuteverythought
  2. musicallysarcastic reblogged this from randomsociopath
  3. randomsociopath reblogged this from eva-christine
  4. genevievekay said: You ARE beautiful, and also amazing. I’m glad you know it now. And I’m so glad to have you as a friend. :)
  5. allons-y-arashi reblogged this from eva-christine
  6. capt-mal-reynolds reblogged this from eva-christine
  7. virgoluna reblogged this from ifbuteverythought and added:
    You are wonderful and I admire you so much :)
  8. gargoylesstandingonsuperheroes said: You’re a very brave woman. I salute you for overcoming what you’ve had to go through.
  9. thenerdgothamdeserves said: wow, good for you. :) glad you made you it through
  10. ifbuteverythought posted this